A World Without You
by SkinXLess
Summary: One late night in the common room, James and Lily wonder what the world would be like without them.


"Ever wonder if the world would be better off without you…?" The words tumbled out Lily Evans's lips before she could stop herself. She sat in the Gryffindor common room, on the couch in front of the dying fire. Everyone else had retired to their dorms, but she had stayed up, obsessively rereading a letter from her sister Petunia.

James Potter looked up from his Transfiguration essay, startled. Was she talking to him? He hadn't even realized she had come into the room. He sat at a table by the windows. He was shocked to find the light that had been spilling in trough the window earlier had faded and he was writing by candle light. When had that happened? Where had the time gone? "Excuse me?" He said to Lily. Maybe she hadn't noticed him either.

She finally put her letter down, turning to look at him over the back of the couch. "I asked whether you ever wonder if the world would be better off without you?" she repeated.

James lowered his quill, looking at her. She lacked the happy glow she usually had; instead she looked pale and somber. She wasn't crying, he was relieved to see, but she was definitely upset. "Of course I do," James answered honestly. "Everyone does, I expect."

"Why?" she asked him. "Why do you wonder that? What do you imagine the world would be like without James Potter?"

Why was she asking him this? The two months they had been Head Students together they had been civil towards each other – had even hung out a few times – but they weren't sit by the campfire and bare your soul close. They were acquaintances, possibly friends but nothing more. "Well," James began, climbing to his feet. He made his way over to the couch to sit by Lily. The firelight brought out the highlights in her red hair. ""I imagine it would be quite dull."

She scoffed, "Really, Potter? I'm being serious here."

"Fine, alright, it wouldn't be dull. Things would be…different. Like, would the Marauders still be the Marauders without me? Would Sirius still be at home or would he still be rebellious? Where would he have gone last year when his mum kicked him out? What about Remus, would he still be lonely if I hadn't been the one to approach him in first year. Or Peter, would he still be bullied or would someone other than me have stood up for him?"

Lily rolled her eyes, "I suppose you're responsible for fixing everyone's lives, huh?"

James ran a hand through his already messy hair, reclining back onto the couch. "I guess not. There are people who would greatly benefit from a James Potter-less world. All those people I bullied. Your Snivellus, for example."

"Ugh, don't say his name," Lily shuddered.

"It's true, though. Would things have turned out the way they did for him if I hadn't been such a pigheaded git? Would you still be friends with him if I hadn't hung him upside down during O.W.L.S.?"

"No," Lily shook her head furiously. "I would not."

"You can't know that for sure," James countered. "He wouldn't have called you that horrible word if I hadn't – "

"Yes," Lily said certainly, "He would have. And even if he didn't he would've still wanted to. His contempt for my kind – for my blood – came before he ever met you, James. He still would've fallen in with those Death Eaters, with McNair and Malfoy. The only thing you did was bring it to the surface, sparing me from investing anymore time into that toxic friendship."

"I imagine he sees it differently, though. To him a world without me holds a lot of appeal." James pressed on. He knew he was right about that part at least. He had been a prat to a lot of people when he was younger, most of which he wished he could take back.

"He'll get over it," Lily said, looking back down at the letter in her hands. "And you've more than made amends with some of the people you use to pick on."

James, too, stared down at the letter in her lap. It was already worn in the middle from being repeatedly folded then unfolded. "What's that?" He asked.

"A letter from my sister Petunia."

"Is that why you asked about not existing?" He asked.

Lily nodded, unfolding the letter once more.

"And what would a Lily Evans-less world be like?" He asked quietly, still looking at the letter, which was covered in elegant loopy cursive.

"Well, for starters my parents wouldn't have to worry about shipping me off every fall. They also wouldn't, as Tuney puts it, spend all their time fussying over a freak like me. It would certainly make her life easier." She turned to face him suddenly, a humorless smile playing at her lips. "Did you know, James, that I am directly responsible for ruining my sister's engagement?"

James couldn't hide his confusion, "What? Lily, what did you do?"

"I was born a witch, of course." She said. "And she had to tell her fiancé Vermin – _excuse me,_ I mean _Vernon_ – about her freaky little sister and now she fears he won't marry into a family with tainted blood like ours."

"Lily, your blood is not tainted."

"Oh, yes it is. Too muggle for the wizards and too wizard for the muggles. You think Severus holds you responsible for ruining his life? Well, Petunia holds me responsible for ruining hers." Lily held up the letter, showing it to him. "See here, towards the bottom? She directly says I have always been out to ruin her life."

James scanned the letter, and indeed, Lily's sister had written that. She's also thrown around some colorful words like 'freak show' and 'disgrace'. "Don't listen to her, Lily. You don't have to bend over backwards to make her comfortable. It's clear she'd never do the same for you."

"But she's my sister, James. We used to be so close, and then I got my Hogwarts letter. That's when everything changed."

"But you're a brilliant witch and a brilliant woman. If she can't see that then you don't need her."

"She's my _family_."

"Family," James told her, "doesn't mean you have to sit around and take their abuse. Look at Sirius; he cut ties with his family. _I'm_ his brother, not Regulus. All of us Marauders – we're all brothers. We're not blood, but we are brothers. So your sister hates you, so what? Find a new family. You called your friendship with Snilvellus toxic, but so is your relationship with Petunia."

Lily looked down, eyes skimming the letter once more. Maybe James was right. She was seventeen years-old now, an adult in the eyes of the law. She didn't have to waste her time with people who weren't any good for her anymore. What was the use of putting for any more effort into repairing her relationship with Tuney when it would get her nowhere? The war was approaching and so was graduation. Her future was knocking on her door. She couldn't dwell on the past anymore, she had to go forward. Suddenly she lurched forward, thrusting the letter into the simmering fire. It roared to life, eating away at the horrible words her sister had penned, the parchment curling in on itself as it blackened. "You're right," she said at last, turning to look at him. "I can't keep trying to please her all my life."

James was shocked at what she had just done. He hadn't intended for her to burn the letter or agree with him, he was only saying what he thought was true. They sat in silence after that, both watching the letter burn and crumble to ash.

Finally, after what seemed like ages, Lily spoke up and said, without turning to look at James, "For the record, I don't think I'd enjoy a world without James Potter in it."

James smiled to himself, his eyes still on the fire. "For the record, I _know_ I wouldn't enjoy a world without Lily Evans."


End file.
